


Jughead Jones: A Life

by VermeilH20



Category: Archie Comics, Archie Comics & Related Fandoms, Riverdale (TV 2017)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2018-09-22 06:24:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 4,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9588416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VermeilH20/pseuds/VermeilH20
Summary: Basically a bunch of stories featuring Jughead being ace, in every sense of the term:)I am drawing from both the Jughead solo comics and Riverdale for inspiration, so it's going to have references to events in both universes, as well as Jughead's hobbies in both.I am just going to pretend that Riverdale is the prologue to the comics and that aro-leaning asexual Jughead is endgame.(I'm back and feeling better than ever! Updates Fridays)





	1. Blocked Writer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic updates Sundays.

Jughead Jones stared at his laptop screen in vexation. Writing was one of his favorite pastimes, but this class had been working on his last nerve. Ms. Carlisle seemed to have an unholy penchant for romantic and anti-romantic pieces. 

If he wanted to see people trying to awkwardly break up with each other while being interrupted by a throng of humans rushing to their own destinations, all he had to do was climb down a few stairs. Or follow Archie. His friend was nothing less than a walking romcom trope.

Tropes aside, he had to admit that he was sort of one himself. With his typically solitary existence, lack of romantic inclinations, predilection for video games and admittedly dark-toned wardrobe. Regardless of what others thought, though, his literary aspirations were more along the lines of science-fiction and fantasy thrillers, epic adventures with mass mayhem and madcap mischief. Sure, he liked a good mystery as much as anyone else, and he wasn’t about to look a true crime horse in the mouth, but his heart lay elsewhere.

Speaking of hearts, Ms. Carlisle had told him his last piece was lacking in it. It would be so much easier for the both of them if she would just let him write genre fiction. Unfortunately, also for both of them, she refused, saying something about world-building and character creation being too difficult, that it would be easier for him to “write what he knew”.

Considering that more than half of his internal monologue took place in alternate dimensions, he was quite certain he knew them pretty well. Well, better than he knew romance, at any rate. He really had no idea what was going on with Archie, or Betty, or Veronica, or even Kevin at this point, and he was not going to expend too much energy on those thoughts. Better use it for something more productive, like writing or video games.

Or going to Pop’s for a snack. Considering that he’d worked his way through a bag of chips, two apples, and a bowl of something-or-the-other he’d found in the fridge, he deserved a snack break. Besides, enough heart-to-hearts happened in those booths that he’d likely find some modicum of real-world inspiration.


	2. A Burning Hunger

Jughead was on the prowl. A burning desire had caught hold of him, and he would not stop until it was sated. “None shall thwart the brave Sir Jug in his quest.” He muttered to himself as he slunk closer to his destination. It was almost within his sights, he could almost feel it….

“What are you doing, young man?” Jughead froze, hoping very much that the principal was calling some other young man.

“I am one with the shadows.” He didn’t say it out loud, but it was a last ditch effort, and he was desperate.

“Jughead, I know you heard me. What are you doing out of class?”

He sighed, turning around. Principal Weatherbee looked back at him, awaiting explanation. “I got hungry. And Reggie stole the last of my emergency snacks. Besides,” he shrugged nonchalantly, “Ms. Carlisle had to leave. So technically, I am not out of class, because there is no class to be in.”

“You know the cafeteria is closed until lunchtime, right?”

“I was not going to the cafeteria.”

“Please tell me you were not going to try and run to Pop’s and back in less than half an hour.” He looked like this was something he actually believed Jughead would do. Something he actually believed that Jughead was capable of doing.

“Have you ever known me to exert myself that much? Food is my first love, but I wouldn’t run halfway across town for it.” Just the thought left him winded. “I was going to my locker.”

“But didn’t Reggie…”

“He stole my emergency snacks. I have others, like my pre-lunch snack, my post-lunch snack, my pre-gym snack, my post-gym snack…” He paused at the principal’s confused look. “I know it is technically pre-pre lunch but sometimes one has to make sacrifices for the greater cause.”

“Right. Don’t let me keep you from your, um, snacking. As long as you don’t litter.” He added sternly.

“Of course not.” He waited for Principal Weatherbee to leave, then exultantly pulled open his locker, pulling out the fourth installment of his latest series. “And the hero obtains the object of his quest!” He could make decent progress in it before his next class.

Pausing before shutting the locker door, he grabbed a packet of crackers. Sure, he hadn’t explicitly told Weatherbee that he was getting a snack, but better safe than sorry. “Sir Jug is no lying knave.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this one is a bit more comic-based than show-based. Enjoy:)
> 
> Also, I'm open for requests if you all have any particular stuff you want to see in the upcoming bits,
> 
> hmu at teenacefangirl.tumblr.com


	3. Hearts of Chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a belated Valentine's piece! I love fancy chocolate, and its great when stuff goes on sale afterward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. This week's episode of the show, though it had more Jughead (yay!) was also supremely angsty and lacking in Jellybeans. Have this somewhat fluffy piece of fic to compensate in some small way. Or have chocolate. Chocolate is good, too:)

“Just as friends” Archie insisted, holding a bright red, heart-shaped velvet jewelry box with the word LOVE emblazoned in rhinestones.  
Jughead was not all that into romance, but he was not completely incapable of emotion. If you asked him, buying two different gifts for two different girls on a such an emotionally charged holiday seemed idiotic. But Archie, as usual, had not asked him. So he kept his mouth shut.

As Kevin looked at stuffed bears with cheesy phrases sewn across their stomachs, Jughead’s own grumbled slightly from the chocolatey fragrance that seemed to envelope the entire store. “Why do I have to be here?” It was not like he had anyone to shop for.

None of the others answered him, too busy trying to find presents. Reggie was over by the cosmetics. Considering that he was not seeing anyone at the moment, Jughead wondered why he had decided to tag along.

“I’m treating myself.” He waved a vial of bath salts in Jughead’s face. “Reggie is Reggie’s one true love.”

The switch to third-person was his cue to get moving. Leaving the other boy preening in the mirror, he wandered into the confections department. The amount of food around him was vexing. The other three had dragged him here four hours ago (without lunch), and being surrounded by so much desserts was a struggle. It didn’t help that most of it was ridiculously overpriced.

“I could keep myself in burgers for a week for that money.” He stared morosely at a particularly mouth-watering vanilla fudge cake covered in chocolate-strawberry cream. Valentine’s day was a bane of his existence. Even the cheapest food became prohibitively expensive, in anticipation of heartbreak induced binge sessions. Everything that did end up going on sale involved chocolate. Even Jughead had a limit to how much chocolate he could eat in one sitting.

Even Pop Tate had gotten into the spirit, offering a couple’s discount. “But your burgers are my one true love!” Jughead had argued, “Every time I so much as see one, I can feel my heart rate increase in anticipation!”

“I doubt it’s that, exactly.” Pop had replied dryly. “Considering how much you eat."

He had shrugged. “I have a high metabolism.”

“And a high unpaid tab.”

Needless to say, it hadn’t worked. Bad enough that his beloved burgers had betrayed him. Now his friends seemed too caught up in the spirit of consumerism to do anything fun.  
He could go home, but all the channels were running romantic movies. And he was feeling too down for video games. He’d come to terms with his feelings, or lack thereof, a while ago. But it did not stop him from feeling a little alone today.

Suddenly, his phone beeped. “Hello?” It was Veronica's voice.

“Hey. What’s up?”

“Wait, Jughead?”

“Yeah. You sound surprised.”

“It’s just…wait a second.” He could hear hushed whispering. “Did you enter the raffle for the animal shelter?”

“Oh, yeah.” He suddenly remembered. Betty had decided to hold a raffle to raise money for the local shelter. Veronica had sponsored the prizes, one of which had been a ginormous couple’s box of gourmet chocolate. A hundred pieces in fifty flavors.

It hadn’t required too much convincing to get him to shell out a couple dollars. The money was for a good cause, and she was his friend. Besides, chocolate.

“Oh. Anyway, congratulations! You won!”

Suddenly, things were looking up. He began to imagine all the delicious flavors. Oh, to get his hands on something edible. That did not require any further payment.

“Who are you sharing it with?” That was Betty.

“My stomach.” He replied. “I need to apologize for neglecting it.”

Maybe he could get behind this holiday, after all.


	4. Five Nights at Reggie's (Pt.1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jughead starts a multi-part arc...

He sat morosely in a booth, trying to be as invisible as possible. Despite his overwhelming lack of attraction to anything other than Pop’s eight-layer Monster Burger (which he was the only person in Riverdale history to finish in one sitting), Jughead could appreciate that mutual attraction made his friends happy.

Or raging mad. Betty had been more on edge these past few days, and Archie had been more snappish ever since his latest fling had gone sour. Much as Jughead loved his friends, he was not about to volunteer for another discussion on Complications Of Romance.

Gee, romance was complicated. Who would have thunk it? Typical friends.

Granted, the instant some person so much as looked at them, even slightly sappily, they’d go straight back to pining. He really could not fathom why they thought he was difficult one to understand.

A loud cough dragged him from his thoughts. Looking up, he saw Veronica standing over him, looking impatient.

“And how can I help you this fine day?” Please, powers that be, do not let her have undergone some romantic strife, too. Another conversation on heartbreak and his will to live would break. Of course, that would mean no more food or Dragon Strike II, and that was a deal-breaker. The play on words made him smile.

A loud harrumph brought him back. “You were saying?”

“I said, you could help me get revenge.” She cleared her throat as he looked skeptical. “On Reggie.” She continued.

This might prove interesting. “First, my consulting fee. Then…”

Veronica sighed, then called over to Pop Tate “How much does Jughead owe you now?”

He sat back, cheerfully, as she paid his tab off and slid into the booth. “You are going have to start at the beginning. Also, anything involving video games is off the table.” He was still bitter.

"Okay, here goes..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I am going to try a multi-part arc, probably over five or six chapters. Part 2 of this will be uploaded next Friday:)


	5. Five Nights At Reggies (Pt. 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, here is part two! I didn't post last week because of a huge chem and physics test.
> 
> In which Dilton makes an appearance.

"I never thought that Reggie, of all people, would still have stuffed animals. Even Betty stopped sleeping with hers a couple years back." " Veronica handed the binoculars back to Jughead. They were clichedley crouching in the bushes near Reggie's house, waiting for him to leave. 

"Just because he is an arrogant narcissist most of the time doesn't mean he can't appreciate the plushier things in life." He turned to Dilton, who looked very uncomfrotable "Do you have them?"

Moving carefully, so that no part of his body would touch the shrubbery or the ground, Dilton pulled three metal contraptions from his bag. "They are relatively simple..." he began.

"Wait, do you honestly expect a couple of metal skeletons to scare him? This is "Bleeding Skull" Mantle we are talking about. Remember last Halloween?" She sniffed. "And these don't even look like proper skeletons."

"Making them overly intricate would have compromised their durability." Dilton was affronted at being interrupted. "As I was saying, these are relatively simple remotely-operated micro-animatronic inserts, complete with one-way audio transmission capabilities. Each one is made of a lightweight collapsible metal alloy that should be undetectable under even a fine layer of polyester fiber." He sighed."Moving, talking, almost undetectable robots."

"No, we understood that part. Just how do you propose to scare him with those?"

Jughead smiled. "That is the genius of this plan. We all know that Reggie likes to scare people. That's what brought you and Dilton to me in the first place. We also know that he is virtually unscare-able, having mastered almost every trick there is. Which is why..." He gestured with the binoculars. "I am not even going to try."

"Then what did I pay your tab for?" Veronica hissed.

"You paid me to get revenge on Reggie and make sure he doesn't do anything more to you. My plan is slip those animatronics into the stuffed animals. Once Reggie Jr. starts whispering some interesting lullabies, our target won't get any sleep." 

Veronica and Dilton shot him weird looks.

"That's what he calls the bear." Jughead explained. "Reggie will be so sleep-deprived that he won't be able to bother anyone." 

"It'll involve Pavlovian priming, as well. The audio will be reduced on days when Reggie did not harass anyone and amplified when he does. It has voice-masking enabled, so anyone should be able to transmit their speech. You two can take turn as needed." Dilton added.

"That is actually a pretty good plan." Veronica conceded.

"Although, I am not certain why my physical presence was required."

"You volunteered to help." Jughead reminded him.

"I voluntarily offered to help construct the animatronic inserts and explain their workings to you. The rest was never agreed upon." Dilton shuffled, grimacing when his pants caught on a branch. "The insertion and activation protocol is relatively uncomplicated. I do not see why I have to be mucking around in this dirt and foliage."

"It is a classic action trope! The tech genius who develops the futuristic gadgetry, the token female who is a secret..." He paused, ",,,not so secret heiress with amazing acrobatic ability and the wittily clever mastermind who brings them all together to thwart evil." Jughead turned to Veronica "Also, you happen to have the amazing acrobatic ability to climb in through that window, right? Betty told me you have gymnastics training." He shrugged apologetically. "Sorry to reduce you to the token Smurfette. We really couldn't have done this without you."

"I know." Veronica seemed nonplussed. "At least I have a thriving, multidimensional existence outside of my relationship with you. Which is also not romantic." She grinned at his surprise. "Betty and I have movie nights. She is great at critiquing, and I have learned trope analysis by osmosis. That is all the geekery you are getting out of me today."

"This does not change the fact that mud is now drying onto the edges of my jeans." Dilton grumbled. "It really would be no trouble for me to leave you two to the final labors."

"But we need you! Neither Veronica not I have the finesse needed to cut and resew the stuffed animals after putting the robo-skeletons in!"

"That is an excellent point."

"Listen! Archie just texted me that they've gone to practice!" Veronica exclaimed. A car could be heard rumbling down the street just moments later. A quick look through the binoculars confirmed that the house was devoid of occupants.

"The game begins."


	6. Five Nights at Reggies (Pt.3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this is part three. Enjoy:)

Jughead walked over to the table, balancing his loaded lunch tray. Carefully setting down the precarious pile of food, he sat down between Archie and Veronica. The latter gave him a questioning look. He shrugged back. None of his morning classes had Reggie in them, thankfully, so he had no idea how effective the plan had been.

“…planning to table at the next formal. We could really use your help.” Betty wanted to raise money to jumpstart a local sustainable gardening initiative and was trying to convince the others to help.

As long as her planning involved another bake sale, Jughead was in complete support. He would help via monetary contributions (in exchange for baked goods). He was pretty sure that Betty and Archie could handle most of the actual gardening themselves. The only light he tolerated prolonged exposure to came from a pixelated screen.

“How are you organizing the budget?”. Being friends with a Lodge had excellent benefits when it came to money management. Betty had just pulled out her spreadsheet when Reggie came staggering in.

His face was pale and drawn, his entire body drooping lethargically. Without even a single snide comment, he sat down. Chewing mechanically on a sandwich, Reggie’s eyes darted nervously around the room. When Dilton accidentally bumped into his seat, Reggie jumped a foot in the air, muttering a barely audible response to the bespectacled boy’s apology.

Moose looked on in confusion as his little buddy’s tormentor sat complacent, for once.

“What’s up with Reggie?” Betty asked aloud. The other three tried to hide their guilty expressions. Even though he had absolutely no regret about his plan, Jughead felt bad about leaving her out of the loop. She would have tried (and succeeded at) talking them out of it. Whatever, they would tell her once it was over.

He also hadn’t expected Reggie to look this ill.

“Probably still beat from practice yesterday. Coach ran us ragged.” Archie mumbled, digging into his lunch. “Some of us got off a bit easy, but he kind of doubled down on Mantle.”  
Betty looked concerned, but she dropped the topic.

*****

Over the next few days, Reggie’s condition got progressively worse. Dark circles deepened under his eyes even as his face grew paler. He was becoming clumsy and disoriented, fumbling during practice and nervously fidgeting during lunch. Ms. Grundy had already given him detention twice for falling asleep in class. The rest of the day, he seemed to move around in an unseeing haze, barely speaking a word to anyone but his few cronies. His braggadocio seemed to have leached away, leaving nothing but a sickly imitation in its place.

Jughead found Veronica and Dilton waiting by his locker on the fourth day. “What are you doing?” She demanded.

“Getting my books for class.”

“Not now! I meant at night. To Reggie. He looks like the undead.” Veronica shuddered. “Don’t you worry you are taking things too far?”

“Relax, I am not doing anything, really. it is just an auto-loop of a couple of creepy rhymes. Stuff like ‘you hurt them now their restless auras will haunt you’. Cheesy things.” He felt insulted. “I have better things to do with my nights than impersonate a stuffed bear.”

“Is that all?”

“What do you mean?” The veiled accusation was not lost on Jughead. “What is going on?”

Dilton looked panicked, tugging on his tie. “Reggie seems to be under the impression that his stuffed animals have gained sentience and the capacity for autonomous movement. He claims that they are moving by themselves at night and trying to murder him. When he tried to capture them, they ran away. He managed to lock them outside his bedroom, but they spent the rest of the night knocking on it incessantly. When he opens it in the morning, they are gone, yet they seem to return every night.” His eyes bugged out behind the glasses. “He says he saw the fox holding a kitchen knife.”

“What?” Jughead couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You think I am the one doing this? I don’t even touch the movement controls. I just play the audio track every night and turn it off every morning. It is probably Reggie’s own mind, giving him nightmares and hallucinations. Oh.” He paused. “If the audio track is making him think that stuffed bunnies are out to butcher him, maybe we should stop.”

“You think?” Veronica looked at him crossly. He raised his hands in defense.

“Okay, this might not have been the best plan in hindsight, but we are talking about the guy who thinks that the Saw series is a holiday feel-good. I didn’t think it would go this far.” He turned to Dilton. “I’ll stop the audio tonight.”

“Excellent. Perhaps we should all offer to accompany him home today, and assist him in recovering the stuffed animals?” Dilton suggested. “I could remove the animatronic inserts if the rest of you distract him.”

Veronica sighed. “He might be thankful enough that we will get a few days of peace.”

“Then it is settled.” Jughead declared. “We shall enlist Archie and Betty during lunch, and Moose as well, hopefully.”

But something was gnawing away at him. Reggie, for all his ego, was a very collected person. He had also laughed through almost every horror movie in America, even the ones that made the rest of them scared witless or squicked senseless. Now, though, a few creepy words had him seeing murderous plushies? Something was off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I'll post a short interlude sometime during the week with the words to the rhymes Jughead and Dilton recorded...


	7. Five Nights At Reggie's (Pt.4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay! We spent the past few days at a friend's house and no one knows about my ficcing, so I could hardly ask to use their laptop:)
> 
> Anyway, here is the next part in the arc!

Jughead stepped back from the door, it opened inward. Reggie held it, leaning against the frame like it was all that held him upright. His condition had deteriorated terribly, eyes sunken into dark hollows that contrasted gruesomely with his pale, drained skin. It had only been five days, but he looked like he had lost weight.

"What happened to you?" Betty was shocked.

Jughead swallowed heavily. It was never supposed to go this far.

"Well, my stuffed animals are on a murderous vendetta against me is what happened." The slight bite in Reggie's words relaxed Jughead a bit. So he was not completely gone.

"Um, that's what we are here to help with." Dilton spoke up, adjusting his glasses. "We wanted to help you capture, or at the least contain, your, ahem, murderous stuffed animals."

"You've been seriously spaced out during practice." Archie added.

Reggie looked at them suspiciously, then stood aside. "You can come in, I guess."

"Haven't you told your parents?" Betty looked incredulously at Reggie as they gathered in the living room. "Haven't they seen anything?"

"They think I am trying to pull a prank." He laughed mirthlessly. "They are convinced that I am trying to scare them away so i can throw a rager or something."

Jughead didn't think they were being unreasonable, but he did not say anything.

"So, where do these things go in the mornings?" Archie asked, looking around.

"That's the problem! I don't know, and I have looked all over this house. Even the basement."

Jughead stared at him. "You have a bunch of toys trying to kill you and you went into the basement alone?"

"Look. It has been a rough couple of days! I haven't been able to sleep or eat or scheme and I am losing it!" He breathed deeply a couple of times. "My counselor recommends i do breathing exercises."

"Now is not exactly the time to be texting." Jughead paused when he noticed how disturbed Dilton looked. "What is it."

Dilton pulled Jughead aside as the others continued looking around. "I put a tracking mechanism in all my technology. Considering all the times it has been stolen..." He looked bitterly over at Reggie, "I felt it would be prudent. "

Jughead was about to speak when he contrinued. "I would have done this earlier, had I understood that the creatures could have changed locations. I confess, this was a gross oversight on my part." He looked apologetic enough that Jughead decided to let it go. He flicked his fingers across the screen, zooming in on a cluster of red dots. "The trackers are synced to my phone, and although I was not able to pinpoint the exact location, the software is sophisticated enough to be accurate within a half-mile radius." Dilton looked up at Jughead, eyes wide behind his glasses.

"Looks like they are a lot of half-miles away from here." Jughead mused. "Now we just need to figure out how to tell the others."


	8. Book Store Hijinks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK! Sorry for the very long hiatus. Things have been intense since I first started, but they are calming down. Finally. I plan on updating every Friday.

Betty inhaled deeply as they walked through the little door to the book shop. "Don't you love the smell of books? The rich fragrance of ink, paper and stories waiting to be told?"

"Never knew you were such a romantic." Jughead teased.

"You know in Japan they have sensors that dispense perfume when you walk past a store?" Veronica said.

"I wish I had perfume that smelled like this. But the only one on the market is French and over 200 dollars." Betty sighed

Veronica's eyes lit up. Jughead hid a grin. It looks like Veronica had figured out what to get Betty for her birthday.

"While you two look at your deep and ponderous novels, I am going to the comics section." Actually, he was going to check out the new Truman Capote paperbacks, but no one needed to know that. He preferred to keep milkshake-chugging, video-game loving Jughead separate from angsty-pining, true-crime-writing Jughead. Besides, he knew Betty had a thing for brooding types and there were some incidents that didn't bear repeating.

Besides, he was going to stop in the comics section on the way there. He was not ashamed to admit he enjoyed Squirrel Girl's books. The writer was a comedic genius.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit short because I just wanted to let everyone know I am back to writing and updates will begin weekly starting this Friday. Also, anyone else get the Ryan North joke? I would personally pay good money for a Squirrel Girl and Jughead crossover comic.


	9. The Bet Pt. I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1/3. Everyone is celebrating midterms being over at a nice restaurant and Jughead get roped into a bet.

There were few things that annoyed Jughead more than someone stealing his food. He, however, wasn’t above stealing others’.

At the moment, he was eyeing Kevin’s frittata. “Can I have a piece?”

“Honestly, why do you even pretend it’s going to stop there.” Kevin said dryly as he pushed the entire plate over. “I’m just going to save us both the effort.” He sighed as Jughead smiled his thanks.

“You are incorrigible.” Veronica shook her head, fork poised daintily over a salad. She turned to Betty. “Your next charity project should be raising money to help his family feed him.”

“You wound me.” Jughead protested, while simultaneously nicking a fry from Archie’s plate. Then another one.

“Fine. Let’s make a bet.” There was a look of pure evil on Cheryl’s face. “Jughead has to go one week without taking food from anyone else without paying. No freebies, no tabs, nothing. If you win, I’ll pay for all your meals for the next week.”

“Pass. It’s not a proper bet if I know I’m going to win.”

“Well, if you’re so sure, what’s the harm in agreeing?”

“What do I have to do if I lose?” With Cheryl, it was better to get all the fine print out of the way before agreeing to anything.

“Nothing much. You just have to be my date for the fancy gala my father is holding.”

“Aren’t you with Toni? Why can’t you go together?” The idea of wearing a suit and being forced to run around after unfilling hors d’oeuvres was nightmarish. Especially when the guestlist likely included all manner of pompous prats who would probably look down on him for some stupid reason like his tie being knotted incorrectly or his not knowing the name of some long-dead artsy dude.

“Yes, Jughead. I will totally bring my black, pink-highlighted, rocker girlfriend to daddy dear’s stuffed-shirt formal…when those stuffed shirts stop thinking that racist and homophobic humor is the height of wit.” She wrinkled her button nose. “They are horribly unpleasant and I could use the support.” There was something else in her tone, but no one wanted to push. They had some idea of what it was like at those events. Veronica had often shared her horror stories, though hers usually ended with the owner of the offending hand being unceremoniously booted from the Lodge property without so much as a by-your-leave.

Cheryl’s dad, though, was nowhere near as protective as Hiram Lodge, and was in fact not above using his daughter in the occasional power-grab.

“Okay, deal. You’re on.” Jughead could practically hear his stomach screaming at him.


	10. The Bet Pt. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2/3. I would say poor Jughead, but he got himself into this.

This was worse torture than the time his wizard had gotten trapped in that damn boss dungeon in Dragoncide XI: Plunder and Pain. At least the pixelated person had multiple lives.

"I can practically feel my life slipping from my body." Jughead groaned. No one at the lunch table paid much attention. "How can you all do this to me?"

Cheryl wasn't helping. "Aww. Poor Juggie. Here, you can have one of my cookies." She held the chocolate chip delicacy between her fingers, daring him to take it.

"Begone, temptress." He put his head down on the table in an effort to block out the sight of everyone else's food. Then he pinched his nose to block out the smell. "Have you all always eaten so loudly?" The crunching and chewing was grating on him.

"Oh my god, Jughead. Either eat or don't." Veronica sounded exasperated. "You have been like this for the past three days."

"How are you still hungry? Didn't you just eat an entire sub sandwich?" Archie looked surprised,

"And an ice cream sandwich?" Kevin added.

"And a..."

"Fine. You have made your point." Jughead put a hand up to silence everyone. "I shall prevail by pretending I am Odysseus on the Island of Lotus Eaters, where denying myself pleasure is the way to richer rewards."

Betty and Archie stifled a laugh while Veronica, Kevin and Cheryl rolled their eyes at the dramatics.


	11. Blocked Writer: Poetry Edition

“Write about your first kiss. You have ten minutes.”

Jughead’s heart plummeted straight into his shoes. “What if that hasn’t happened?” He asked, all too aware of the incredulous stares coming his way from every corner of the classroom. He didn’t give a damn. Well, not much of one, anyway.

The teacher was no different. “Um, make something up then.” She laughed nervously, her eyes immediately breaking contact.

He scowled internally. This wasn’t anything new. Everyone always seemed so focused on this stuff and assumed it was a fundamental of human experience. As if not wanting it or not doing it was an anomalous aberration. He was still seething when the teacher called five minutes remaining.

He was sorely tempted to tell her that his imagination, despite being extensive, had its limits. How the hell was he supposed to imagine up something he had no experience even wanting, let alone doing? This was an exercise in futility.

“Three minutes remaining.”

Three and a half minutes later, this is what Jughead turned in:

FIRST KISSES

According to most movies, they are  
declarations of undying, true Love.  
Usually to a swelling orchestral accompaniment.

According to most friends, they are  
full of tongue and teeth, sweat and spit.  
The looming feeling that one should have popped a mint.

I could not care less.  
The only thing I want near my mouth,  
is dinner, lunch, snacks and breakfast.


End file.
